Dear J5,

I ask myself over and over where we went wrong. It was not just your fault, it was ours. Up until this point, I still do not have answers.

Did I love too much?
Did I give up on us too soon?
Did you not stay true to your promise to never leave me and to always choose us?

I do not know.

There are many things I can assume from the facts that I have. I can even deduce enough to hate you but I won't. Because I still love you, and I believe that you are a good person. That the person who was with me for 20 months and 13 days, who called me every single day, who spent time and money to make this work - loved me with all his heart too.

But maybe not enough.

What I am sure of though is that, someone or something is definitely above me. So important that you would rather choose it/her/him over our relationship. That I was not enough for you to stay. That I was not worth the truth. I am miserable. Of course I do not wish that you are too, but somehow I hope you miss us too, because I do - badly. I still check my viber every hour wishing to find something from you even if I vowed never to reply. I wish to know that I meant something to you too, because you almost meant the world to me. I am scrambling to find myself again.  I need to remind myself that there was a "me" before us, and there will be a "me" after us.

It's so hard to move on from my first heartbreak. I wish you could tell me what to do.
Did you love me for real?


Love,

A5